My youngest son moved back home on a full-time basis just yesterday. It’s something he’s been talking about since we bought this house. At first, we lived close enough where he could stop by on his way to the bus each morning before school, and could walk to our house if he needed help with homework, or was just feeling bored & lonely. We lived close enough so that I could see his house from my porch. We did initially try to buy that house before moving here – but there were more liens than we wanted to contend with, and in the end the water main in the house burst – which we took as a sign that we might be taking on a bit more than we were ready for. So, we moved here.
However, this house is within walking distance to and from his school. Plus it’s only 4 blocks away from my sister and nephews. On his weekends here, he’d walk home with them and all the kids would get to spend time together . Something that’s always been important to my sister and I, to have our kids growing up together.
We’ve been here almost 2 years, and he’s been wanting to move from his home with his Father and Aunt for at least that long. He moved there wanting to form a relationship, and spend time with his Father who always worked on the road. The agreement was his Father would have to find local work if he wanted our son to live with them. He did. Then he proceeded to not have any time for him any way. I foresaw as much, as that was an issue when we were together. I won’t bad mouth him here – he’s just one of those people who gets busy with everything and everyone and always thinks there’s more time later…
He’s been telling his Aunt (who is also his God-Mother) he wants to move home. She tells him he has to talk to his Father. His Dad isn’t around to be talked to, puts off talking, and life goes on. He reiterates his want to move to his Aunt again, she tells him if he moves she’ll probably kick his Dad out of her house. He insists, explains he’s struggling with school because no one is home to help him when he needs it. He’s gaining more weight because he’s bored and not allowed to take part in sports, or even just hang out with his friends. Here, he goes to the Marine office to work out with his cousin and DD’s BF, plus they run together as well – as in hit the pavement running, not run the streets running. Of course, that’s not as often as he’d like while he’s living over there.
Still and all, with all the stuff he’s told me about, despite all that I may not agree with, nor approve of myself – it was his choice to move there. When he felt that pull, he came to me and talked to me. Our home has always been open to him here – but I was adamant that he make clear his choice to move home. I wasn’t going to call after each bout of hurt feelings, disagreements,or bunched up B.V.Ds demanding he be returned home to me. It was his decision to move out, it had to be his to come home.
Any way, his Dad dropped him off. We spoke briefly. I understand his hurt – even though not much is changing. We still all live in the same city, really our son is no less accessible to him now than when he lived there. I did tell his Dad that if his Aunt still wanted him to attend Church with her, that was fine by me. He is a Youth Group Leader there, and as her role as his God-Mother, I know that’s something she has been dedicated to sharing with him. I came back into the house, and reiterated the conversation to my son to which his response was. “Yeah, I don’t see that happening any time soon. She said she doesn’t understand why I want to live here with a bunch of losers, and if I leave she’s through dealing with me and that I’m an ungrateful bastard.” Oh. Don’t I feel silly.
All that added to the side commentary during the phone call his Dad made to me informing me our son was packing to move back here I’m in a state of shock. I shouldn’t be, really. But, there it is.
I woke up at 5am this morning, sort of giggling to myself about the whole thing. Ironic really, she and I are sort of guilty of the same thing. Determined to think something dispite evidence to the contrary, or having any evidence at all. Here I sit, determined to think the best of her and them. Trying to be understanding to the situation from their point of view. And there she sits, determined to think so much of herself and so little of us here just because.
I’m here to tell you though, if her actions are the sign of being “better than” – I’ll happily wallow here in loserville with my family. Blissfully married, enjoying my family and friends, and exploring the passions of our lives together, while we work towards making our little house a haven for us all.
Now I have to go bake cookies to welcome my boy back to the “Darkside” good and proper.